


vulnerability

by fan_nerd



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Open Relationships, minor sakura/sasuke and hinata/naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6185092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fan_nerd/pseuds/fan_nerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke is a man of very few words, but his fingernails digging into Naruto's scalp say more than his mouth ever could.</p><p>They could regret this in the morning.</p><p>They <i>don't</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished reading Naruto after years away from the fandom in general. I absolutely loved it, except, like many fans, I disagreed with the ending. This goes through a lot of the series, including post-700, and has a lot of introspection on Sasuke as a character. Enjoy!

It is difficult to name the feeling in the beginning, mostly because they're six years old.

Both of them are wise beyond their years because of their lots in life. Sasuke is blank-faced, withdrawn; a shell of the happy, haughty boy he was just months ago. Naruto is always in the shadows, berated and grungy and pissed as all hell.

They lock eyes in the classroom and belligerently refuse to speak to each other. There are a multitude of reasons – fear; shame; social status. In the end, the reason boils down this: they do not know _how_ to begin the conversation.

In later years, everyone will know exactly how much not doing so haunts Naruto, the town hero, the world savior, the strongest man on earth.

At age six, Naruto, the town disappointment and scourge, thinks that Sasuke looks sad, alone, and haunted. For some reason, he finds oddly disturbing comfort in the fact.

Sometimes, if he looks back over his shoulder and glimpses at the brunette for a moment, he gets the sense that Sasuke feels the same way.

//

At age nine, Sasuke is constantly at war with his emotions. He's beyond infuriated with his circumstances, frustrated with his lack of progress, tired of the whispers. They've drastically changed from "Itachi wouldn't have done this," "Itachi's awfully impressive," "Itachi said—". Now it's all about how Sasuke is the last Uchiha in the leaf village, about how noble his clan was, how disgusting _the other Uchiha_ is for defecting right under their precious little noses.

Every time Naruto runs down the alleyways screaming at the top of his lungs, tears in his eyes and a paintbrush in his hands, Sasuke perks up.

He wants to deface monuments in restless agitation just as badly as his unruly classmate does. He wishes that his father – who _is_ dead, who has been dead for years now – hadn't brainwashed him into thinking _Uchihas don't cry, Uchihas don't feel, Uchihas are perfect ninjas._

He wishes most of all that the words, _Itachi is perfect, and you'll never be as good as he is,_ weren't etched into his very soul.

Sasuke buries the gnawing feelings of disappointment and regret with the rest while Naruto gets beaten within an inch of his life on the pavement just outside of the Uchiha property.

//

Naruto yells until people start to listen, Sasuke included.

Sasuke's feelings are pulled from him by the blonde piece of shit that won't rest until he gets his way. Everything spills out in violent bursts after half a decade of working to keep everything bottled in.

His words are harsh, but true – he thinks Naruto is worthless, he thinks he's a deadbeat, he thinks he'll never achieve anything, living his pathetic life and dreaming his pitiful dreams.

His self-analysis describes everything that he's flung at his rival and more. He can hardly keep up with  _Naruto's_ advancement. How is he supposed to be in any shape to handle Itachi? He's getting soft, starting to fucking appreciate his stupid little happy life in Konoha and just maybe conveniently forgetting sometimes that his whole family is dead because his brother lost his mind six years ago.

He's starting to think maybe true strength lies in bonds and that he has a new family in team seven.

 _That's_ why he has to go.

//

Sasuke bleeds heavily, coming as close to Naruto's face as he will let himself. Naruto shouldn't be worth his time. He shouldn't be lingering.

If Orochimaru isn't nearby with a medic-nin, he could very well die. He can barely move.

Naruto is on the ground in an equally devastated state. The blonde's unnatural silence makes Sasuke's heart beat faster. It reminds him that he has to leave immediately.

He stands up on wobbling legs and only looks back once.

//

He forces himself not to think about the past, except for Itachi ( _his constant reminder to keep moving, killing him is the goal_ ), but he was always an overly sentimental sort.

The harder he tries not to think about them, the more easily their faces enter his mind.

Year one is difficult.

Year two is easier.

Year three, not only has he repressed his ex-teammates faces and memories of their time together as best he could, he's worked himself to the bone training.

He allows his arrogance to support something he's made his mantra: He's the best, he is superior, and nothing or no one would stand in his way again.

He's repeated it to himself so many times that he's begun to believe it.

//

Naruto shows up.

He is an emotional wreck, but he's a joke. Someone has _replaced_ him on team seven.

It burns like a bitch and a half, but he's mastered the art of external blankness.

It feels like all the blood in his body is pumping in his ears for the first time in three years and he realizes that this is all Naruto's fault. He should kill him now – he's enormously strong now, unstoppable, _invincible_ , and Naruto? He's still a _child_. He's weak.

Orochimaru leads him away, but his eyes, so laden with power, catch every twitch of emotion flickering across the blonde's face as he goes.

He represses the very notion that he could feel anything about his old teammates' reappearance in his life.

//

Both of them are running, always in opposite directions, because Sasuke won't let himself believe there's any worth in Naruto's path.

He doesn't know what this feeling is, and he really, truthfully couldn't care less at this point.

Sasuke just wants to stop feeling so angry-sad-frustrated-depressed-removed-shitty all the damned time. Juugo helps sooth him; Suigetsu and Karin's constant bickering is like a balm.

He refuses to acknowledge that he gathered a team because he _misses them_. Everything is for the sake of killing the S-ranked deserter, _Uchiha Itachi._

 _To kill a certain man_ , he'd told them.

Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin know their fair share of death and the poisonous, crap-sack world they live in, unlike Sakura and Naruto, living in the precious bubble-fantasy world that is Konoha.

 _Snake_ keeps him grounded.

//

Itachi is dead.

He's dead and his world is a mess.

He's not just repressing now – his mind really _is_ blank of everything except his sixteen years of memories with his brother. The good times, the horrendous times—Itachi's very death is a festering wound in his side.

Then Madara shows up and pieces the shattered remains of his life back together.

He holds onto it like a spider's thread in the pit, because nothing else makes sense.

For whatever god-forsaken reason, Naruto's face pops into his head throughout his dread.

Madara's words are his lifeline. Naruto is the only constant in his world now.

But there's no time to waste thinking about the moron.

He has to destroy Danzo.

//

The opportunity to kill Sakura arises, to kill one of the biggest thorns in his side; one of most egregious connections he has to his _home_ —laughable to think of it as such, now—and he is ready to take it. Sakura is an even bigger idiot than Naruto, thinking that she can _fix_ him or some _holier-than-thou_ bullshit she's spouting. Every word she says makes him spiral deeper and darker into madness, Danzo's blood still fresh on his hands and Karin panting for breath on the ground.

Naruto dashes to the rescue. He looks a little worse for the wear, but then again, Sasuke's not in very good shape either. His eyes are old and his face is squaring out and Sasuke can barely see, but he immediately recognizes something.

The blonde has matured a lot. They trade words and blows and Sasuke finds for the first time in four years that the fragile connection they once shared has never truly been severed. Naruto's been making sure of that.

Naruto's attack whispers that he misses Sasuke. Misses that he had a compatriot in his misery. Misses the looks they shared. Misses saving each other's assess. Misses that no one could fill the void in his heart that had been gaping when Sasuke had become a deserter. He'd been pissed when he'd left, he hates Sasuke, he hates Konoha, he hates his father and mother for dying, hates his friends for their happiness, and yet.

He's learned to _accept_. He's found his strength in their happiness rather than their misery. Their positive energy feeds him. He's dependent on others, and better yet, proud of this weakness.

Sasuke's attack whispers that he misses home. Misses that he had a friend that could give as good as he got, who doesn't fucking worship the ground he walks on. He decides that Itachi's death and Naruto's existence are his punishment for living. He hates Naruto, he hates Konoha, he hates his family for dying, Itachi for killing them, hates the village for its' peace.

Sasuke doesn't know what _Sasuke_ wants, and that pisses him off most of all. Naruto is so goddamn _sure_ of himself now.

Naruto is so _strong_ and _bright_. He's blind as hell and Naruto's the only thing he can see clear as day right now.

So, he does the only things he knows how to do: he festers, he broods, and he plans.

//

He sees Itachi again, and it brings all sorts of emotions to the surface. Everything hurts like a raw wound. He thinks, based on Naruto's eyes in that last exchange, that the blonde's seen all this and more, and come out on top, and he's determined to be his equal in all things. No, not equal—his _superior_.

(Deep down, he knows that their fight means death, just as Naruto as had promised. In some quiet corner of his mind, he relishes the thought of the peace it might bring him.)

//

Saving Naruto feels like the first good thing he's done in a long time.

Fighting with him feels like he belongs at his side. God, but it feels better than anything he's done in the last five years.

Naruto's still a moron – he's worse than ever, really, but he shines brighter than the sun.

They are gods and men and they defend each other every second they can manage.

The world is saved with heads held high because of their eternal rivalry, this competition, their extensive reactions to each others very existences is so pure and ugly and wonderful.

//

Their fight is _liberating_. Sasuke is alive and he feels it in his soul, and for the first time in what must be ten years— _isn't that a fucking thought, thinking of nothing but strength, vengeance, and death for ten out of seventeen shitty years_ —he thinks that he wants to live.

He _wants_ to believe in Naruto, just like the rest of his cohort. He wants to believe in _himself_. He wants to believe in _them_. He knows they can break the chain. He knows they have to die together, but the sore loser in him, the one that knows their predecessors did the same thing, revolts.

It is a loss with a heavy price, especially for a ninja, but Sasuke wears his loss like a medal.

//

The two of them still feel an unnatural pull to each other after it's said and done. Sasuke wants to explore, wanderlust and unrest practically engrained in his body now. He wants to know the extent of the world that he's trying to fix.

Naruto is sad to see him go, but he knows that this isn't like before – he's coming back. He's given Naruto his date of return and everything.

"Besides," Sasuke, who rarely even says goodbye, and definitely doesn't smile as much as he should, manages to bite out some words for the person who means more to him than anything in the world. "Don't you have more important things to do besides worry about me?"

His eyes, one black and the other purplish-gray from the _rinnegan_ , flick to Hinata standing near the gate watching them talk. Naruto flushes up to his ears before muttering. "I just, well…it's not…" He never manages to cough out _the same_ , but Sasuke knows exactly what he means. "Write to me and Sakura-chan, alright? She missed you a lot." _Not as much as I did, but that's not important_.

Sasuke closes his eyes and draws in a deep breath. "Alright."

They hold each other's gazes for a long time before Sasuke turns on his heel to leave. Naruto grabs his only arm. He squeezes the brunette's hand for a while, a little nervous that he's done something unforgivable.

Sasuke squeezes back just the slightest bit before sliding his hand away and jumping into the forest.

//

The thing is, they're always thinking about each other. Sasuke travels the world and he writes to Naruto. Naruto writes back to him about everything, from his most mundane routines to what everyone has been doing while he's been gone.

In the weeks of silence, they go about their lives constantly wondering about each other. Naruto flushes and stutters his way through his courtship of Hinata. Sakura stumbles into Sasuke on a diplomatic mission where there are discussions held about his status as a leaf-ninja, about his status as a criminal, about his status as a war hero.

Two years after the war – _shit, feels like it was only yesterday_ – Sasuke and Sakura have just sort of… _settled_ together. Sasuke finds that Sakura is a good friend. He doesn't deserve that. He _should_ be dead. She sometimes likes to fill the silence, and other times, she is content to let him bask in his own thoughts and the noises of nature.

Six months after they begin traveling together, he makes his first request of her, and she is all too happy to oblige.

Sasuke wants to hear stories about Naruto. Mostly the ones about what happened while he was gone. Sakura chatters on and on about word of mouth from Tsunade—about Jiraiya, about the sights they saw, about the lewd education he'd been given and had promptly ignored, because he was an idiot. She giggles and runs a hand through his growing hair as she talks and he dozes.

//

The closer her stories become to the present, the more his heart aches for its other half.

//

The dark-haired ninja creeps around the town until he finds Naruto's new apartment. It's where he lives with Hinata.

His hand hesitates to knock until the blonde opens the door, real arm folded over prosthetic. "You could just come in, you know."

Sasuke says nothing, only waits in the threshold.

"Can we talk?"

Naruto's baby blues go wide and he nods quickly, following Sasuke into the shadows.

Sasuke sits in silence for nearly twenty minutes before Naruto sighs and starts talking for both of them. "I miss you too, asshole. What's this about? Jitters? Anxiety? Codependency? That's a fancy one. Hinata's family told me about that when I first started going out with her."

The brunette just sighs, wringing his hands. Naruto raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it's really serious, then. Something about me?" It's a minute motion, but the blonde can see Sasuke flinch. "It _is_ about me. Ha, ha, I know I'm popular and all now, but there's no reason for _you_ to feel threatened!" Sasuke glares at him and he laughs dryly. "I'm just _kidding_ , y'jerk. Relax. Just gimme something, Sasuke. You know I don't mind _literally_ pulling your hair out for the answer, but I thought we were getting pretty good at the whole, I don't know, _being friends who don't always fight_ thing."

Sasuke unceremoniously slams Naruto to the ground, but both of them can tell it's not a motion intended to start a real fight. "I don't _know_ , okay. I'm not good at this kind of thing."

"What? At _caring_?" Naruto offers with a boyish grin. "I already knew that."

Sasuke snarls and bears more of his weight down on him. Naruto is suddenly very glad that they're out on the outskirts of the village, because his breath hitches at the motion. "I don't know. Anything. About this."

Naruto's chest heaves. He curses his traitorous heart. "About _what_?" Silence falls between them. Sasuke cautiously reaches to touch Naruto's forehead, and Naruto grabs his arm. "This is one of those things you have to _say_ , Sasuke."

Instead of rising to the threat, Sasuke fucks off to god knows where for a season, and Sakura follows in his footsteps, helping ease his recovering heart.

Naruto goes home to his fiancée, equal parts guilty and pleased.

//

Sakura becomes his solace. She makes peace with his past, and that helps him make peace with it. She is a good friend, a therapist in times of need, and a pillar of strength when he feels drained. She helps him work through his late onset of puberty and struggles with what is likely a form of asexuality.

She isn't exactly what he _needs_ , but she is a comfort. She _knows_ that, is the worst part – knows she's never first in his heart, tells him so more than once that he should go home, which is where he _wants_ to be, but he feels itchy in his own skin _at home_.

 _Home_ is where Naruto is, with his wife, who is pregnant, and isn't that just a surprise.

Sakura tells him that she's pregnant, has known for a couple weeks, just a month after Naruto sent them a scroll with the news of Hinata's pregnancy and his Hokage candidacy announcement.

The pink-haired beauty smiles beautifully at him. "You both always wanted families. This doesn't mean you don't still love each other."

Those words break him down and he brings Sakura home, comes home, _stays_ home, for all its' aches.

//

He feels close to panic and it's obvious that Naruto feels the same. They chase each other all over town until they're outside of town—isn't that a riot, the Hokage and his confidant sneaking out of the fucking village where their wives are on the cusp of giving birth.

"What's wrong with us, Sasuke?" Naruto punches his best friend as hard as he can, with enough force to throw him into a mountain. When he returns, he pays it back twofold, slamming the blonde into the ground and creating a huge divot in the barren landscape as a result.

"I can't be a father."

"Neither can I!" Naruto laughs bitterly, not even close to being exhausted, but he collapses on the ground in tears. "God, I'm going to be _so_ fucking awful. I can barely string two sentences together. I feel like a kid."

"We didn't have time to be children," Sasuke shakily pulls himself next to Naruto, pushing their real hands together. "And the parental figures in our lives sucked."

"God, shit, you're so right," the blonde weeps openly, and Sasuke joins him, squeezing Naruto's hand. "But this, I just. I want this more than anything in the world. I don't think I could die without knowing that you finally have a family again."

Sasuke thinks, _I'd say the same_ , but his throat is blocked and he can't do anything more than choke. They share a chaste kiss there under the moonlight that quickly becomes something more, like they've needed the push and pull of each other's bodies their whole lives.

They are mingling tears on hot cheeks, Naruto flipping them over and taking demanding control of the situation, like he's seen himself pulling Sasuke apart for years. "Shit, you're just. You know how I feel, right? Like, that I'm not just fucking _losing my shit_ over everything right now. I need you to _know_."

"I know," Sasuke murmurs, breath hot against Naruto's neck. His body finds pleasure in Naruto's pleasure and his mind finds happiness in Naruto's happiness, although the sex is not primarily for his entertainment.

Naruto is the only person he'd trust not to ruin his pride by penetrating him.

The blonde is heat and passion and endless streams of tears and words. He feels guilty about cheating on his wife, but not enough to stop, not when it feels like he's been feeling this eat at him for over ten years.

Sasuke is full, complete, satisfied. He is a man of very few words, but his fingernails digging into Naruto's scalp say more than his mouth ever could.

They _could_ regret it in the morning.

They don't.

//

Their wives are unnervingly understanding about the situation - or, as understanding as they _can_ be. In Sakura's case, she's frustrated, but unsurprised and resigned.

Naruto comes clean immediately because he's a horrible liar and he's prepared to be murdered when he comes home that night. Sakura and Hinata act as if they've known that this was going to happen all along. They seem to have made  _contingency_ plans counting on the two of them running off alone, doing god knows what, and finding a more positive outlet for their energy than flinging world-destroying techniques at each other.

Eventually, everyone comes to an understanding: Naruto wants a family, as does Sasuke. Their wives provide them such, and the two of them can still have each other.

Sakura is, above all, Sasuke's friend and besides, she is soon to be the mother of his child. He respects her, at the very least. Hinata? Naruto _adores_  her, regardless of his heart desperately aching for Sasuke. The women provide something that the other can't, because they are broken pieces of people, and they know better than any other shinobi in the world that their husbands would rather die than be separated.

Naruto cries with joy as Sakura berates him, just like old times, and Sasuke leans against the wall, trading small smiles with Hinata. Later, the pink-haired woman murmurs that the two of them should have a tryst of their own, since their husbands are constantly so preoccupied with each other.

Hinata flushes up to her ears, but she doesn't exactly reject the idea.

//

After that, everything gets easier. Conversation flows easily between Sasuke and Naruto. They occasionally go on missions together when they must be done, go home to their families, and find a tentative kind of happiness.

Naruto finds _every_ opportunity and excuse he can to peg Sasuke to a wall and vigorously make out with him. They pull hair and scrabble for control but every instance winds up with Naruto bending Sasuke into a new position, whispering in his ears, thanking him for everything, thanking him for sticking around, thanking him for understanding.

He does many things with Sakura, but he has only had sex with her once, and only at her insistence that he help sanction their relationship. This, with Naruto, is mind-blowing, overwhelming, and enough, some days, to convince him that he is not as asexual as he previously thought he was. He has no desire to have his dick anywhere near Naruto's ass, but just thinking about the blonde growling at him riles him up. After their third Kage summit, where the Raikage and his cohort are still ragging on Sasuke for transgressions long past _swept-under-the-rug,_  the uncomfortable feeling intensifies _._ Naruto practically yells, _Hold your head high, Sasuke, you're a proud ninja of Konoha now._

That baffles him more than anything else, being first aide to the Hokage, Uzumaki-fucking-Naruto, who calls him _the other Seventh Hokage_.

Giggling and laughing in bed with _Naruto_ of all people, who has a wife and a child, and he has a wife and a kid too, and they're ruffling each other's hair in a private room like they don't give one single shit between the two of them.

"Sasuke," Naruto whispers, arms wrapped tight around him and breathing heavily as he runs his fingertips over Sasuke's left shoulder. "It was messy, but I'm glad that everything happened."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow at _everything_ , but he gets the point. "Our lives are only gonna get messier, _shittykage_."

"There's no easy way out of life, dickhead. Them's the breaks." Sasuke chuckles at that and Naruto kisses his cheek in sugary affection. "I know we'll make it work." After a moment of silence, Naruto snickers. "Sakura-chan's probably pretty mad at me, huh?"

"Sometimes."

"Oooh man, I am _never_ going to your house for dinner again."

"I didn't invite you. Besides, my daughter would kick your ass."

"She's like _one_ , Sasuke."

"She will _eventually_."

"Well then, my son'll kick your ass! And I'll have a daughter to kick your daughter's ass!"

"Having kids isn't a competition."

"Aww, don't get all sensible on me, I was just having fun."

"Naruto. Go to sleep."

"Alright, alright! Good night, you bastard."

"See you when you wake up, dead-last."

//

People _wonder_. And they pry and they assume, and sometimes, they take the Hokage's family and run them through the mud. Sasuke feels like lashing out and Sakura calms him down. They're pretty shitty fathers, and more times than not, Sakura and Hinata have stand together to raise their children properly, but they do their best and their kids are strong and healthy and want for nothing.

They almost get pulled away by their advisors, by their friends, by their _wives_ , and even eventually, by their children.

However, Sasuke remains in Naruto's mind as _the other Hokage_ and Naruto remains _the weakest man in the world_ in Sasuke's _._

He practically needs Sasuke to snap his boots to his ankles and tie his _hitai-ate_ for him. Sasuke doesn't understand how Naruto is so revered, is so loved by all whom he meets.

Sasuke hates Naruto. He's so weak, so desperate for attention that he screams at the top of his lungs, who filches family and home and everything else in his life for an unhealthy obsession that won't die no matter how much Sasuke feigns indifference.

Sasuke also hates himself, so lonely and broken and so absolutely unwilling to open his heart to anyone until it is nearly too late, until he ruins the good things in his life he doesn't deserve and saves his own unnecessary life.

Sasuke hates Naruto, who made him face himself, who made him face his feelings, who made him face his rival, his nemesis, the yang to his yin with both eyes open. He made him see Naruto for who he really is, and himself as well, to an uncomfortable degree.

Maybe that's what makes him stay, in the end.

Maybe that's what makes him the tie for the strongest man in the universe.

Maybe one day, the strongest men in the universe will accept that they are no longer gods, even if they are no longer men, and they'll stop dragging everyone else down with them while they keep falling into the pit. Maybe they'll tell their children the truth about the two of them, what they've been doing. Maybe Naruto will learn to understand Boruto and Himawari, to be an excellent, observant father, a proper, loving husband.

Maybe Sasuke will understand what it's like to hold the world in his hands in the pride that is his wife and his daughter. Maybe he'll learn that Naruto isn't the only who can stop him from running across the world to escape his feelings. Maybe he'll learn to stop speaking in codes to his child and smiling only at Naruto and crying about Itachi's death, even so many years later.

For the moment, they have this; a tentative piece of something akin to hope, and it is what they need for now.


End file.
